Oh, for fuck's sake! Why would anyone steal your credit card details.. and use them to LEGALLY DOWNLOAD MUSIC? Why not just steal the music too, and buy something awesome with my money instead?

..On the bright side, I'm only down £60 (that I know of- £30 of itunes downloads and £30 for a mobile phone top-up), but I've been without my card for over a week and I can't buy internet access and have to go tug on my bank's sleeve and ask them for pocket money, and can't do any online shopping, which is really annoying because I've just started reading A Song of Ice and Fire, and I'll have to wait till next weekend so I can go to town and buy the next volume. rrrrrrrrr

Trying to fill some more marvel_kink prompts, did Deadpool in a Rule 63 world crack today (no smut).

For anyone interested, the Akatsuki version of that crack fic, in which they all go on a teambuilding day at Teamtech Innovations.

( Here )

While I don't seriously think it's going to change anything for the comics at least, I kind of like imagining Disneyfied Marvel and Marvelified Disney. Wolverine teaming up with Aladdin, Bambi, Mickey Mouse, Hannah Montana, Donald Duck, Winnie The Pooh, and every Disney princess ever. Daken sleeping with Aladdin, Bambi, Mickey Mouse, Hannah Montana, Donald Duck, Winnie The Pooh, and every Disney princess ever. Or X-23 as the next Disney princess. In a new animated series, drawn by Greg Land. And who doesn't want to imagine Garth Ennis's new Disney MAX line?

Right, I am going to shut up and do some writing (unfortunately not Bambi MAX or a Wolverine and Hannah Montana team-up).

Have some quick, cracky drabbles. I normally hate de-aged fics, but I was discussing how much I wanted a wacky yet heartwarming Marvel Adventures-style sniktclawm starring Wolverine, X-23, and Daken, and for some reason I find the image of tiny little sniktlings and bublets really endearing.

( and clawmedy ensues )

Title: Avengers vs Teamtech Innovations
Fandom: Dark Avengers
Pairing: None

Link, or ( cut )

Title: None
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: None

Akatsuki have a very merry Christmas, in which Sasori wishes his grandmother wouldn't visit the headquarters and embarrass him in front of all the postpubescent supervillains, Hidan is out to destroy the true meaning of the holidays via consumerism and light-up singing reindeer socks, and Itachi is still dying from definitely-not-consumption.

Here

This journal contains fic. Entries may include slash, het, yuri (all between consenting adults), smut, three-way relationships, character death, drugs, alcohol, violence, Muraki with no pants on, parodies, cracky humour, naughty words, religious themes and other potentially offensive stuff. I'm not writing the next Celebrian and there's nothing here that's particularly controversial in the world of fanfiction. However, if you're easily upset then it's probably for the best if you just assume my fics come with all that and a side helping of assbabies.

Most of my fic is on ff.net and a fair bit ends up on chuunin, but some bits and pieces are only posted on LJ. None of the fic is locked at the moment, although most of my personal entries are set to friends-only. Anyway, feel free to add, and I'll friend back.

DISCLAIMER

I don't own any of the recognisable characters or concepts. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

( Ongoing/Upcoming )

Title: Kingpin
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: None.

Quick Itachi-centric oneshot from Fugaku's POV on the massacre night. Spoilers, lots of speculation that will probably end up contradicting canon somewhere, and if Madara turns out to be a great big liar, then I guess this all falls on its arse then.

ff.net // ( cut )

Title: Afterdamp
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: None, really.

Mostly an excuse to write 1) post-362 AU, because I think Deidara would be really fucked off about surviving and probably even less sane than usual, 2) Deidara interacting in some manner with Itachi, and 3) more of the always creepy and dysfunctional relationship between Sasori and Deidara. I wanted to recycle this into a fic with actual plot, but it's been nearly a year without that fic appearing yet, and I keep meaning to upload all the bits and pieces lying around in my fic folder.

ff.net // ( cut )

Title: Lux Lacuna
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: SaiSaku, possibly remaining as pre-relationship.

Team 7 meet their newest member, one neurologically-altered, laser-implanted assassin. Sakura and Sai-centric science-fiction AU, loosely follows the Rescue Gaara arc and beyond.

Fanfiction.net
( Chapter 1 & 2 )

Title: Seven Reasons Why Sasuke's Life Sucks
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: None

I keep meaning to upload all the bits and pieces that normally stay on my computer forever since I don't quite like them enough to whore around ff.net and communities. So, finally getting on to it, some drabbles/ficlets in which ( the massacre never happened, but unfortunately, Sasuke's mother is still hot, his father is still in the police force, and Itachi may or may not be a bit evil )

Title: Peace, Love & Fucking Great Unicorns
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: None

As we all know, Akatsuki are all misunderstood, precious little angels who never reeeally meant to hurt anyone. So here's a crack fic where they see the light and end up twice as frightening anyway. Mostly focusing on Kakuzu's progression through the HUGS anger management program, and Hidan's unicornlicious dabbling in neo-paganism.

Posted at chuunin for now, will get up on ff.net later.

Title: The Prettiest Princess
Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: None

I seriously fail at updating my own LJ :(. Anyway, crackfic. When Akatsuki have to go undercover at a beauty contest, they will stop at nothing to win. Sabotage, deceit and excessive use of Boobie Booster breast enhancers ensure

chuunin, or ff.net

Title: None
Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: None serious, some Karin/Suigetsu, and Sai/various dubious and unsavoury characters.

Forgot to post this here, link to chuunin

Title: Tourniquet
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Sakura & Sai

Sakura is still in love with the dead. And Sai? Sai doesn't even know what love is. Darkish fic about Sakura, Sai, and the ties that bind them.

Title: Escape From Castle Akatsuki
Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: Unless you count Kakuzu finding it kind of hot when Sakura dismembers Hidan, none.

Sakura, Sai and Akatsuki centric crack fic. Akatsuki are getting just a bit sick of finding pink haired medic nins chained up in their dungeons, not that anyone ever asks their opinion. And things only get weirder when Sai shows up to the rescue.

Title: The Sound of His Wings
Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Pairing: Fairly one-sided Muraki & Tsuzuki

I knew you were coming, when I heard the sound of your wings. Didn't you hear them, Tsuzuki, when death finally came for you?